I'll tell you what happens when the experiment is finished.........let's hope it goes well........for now, this is Merri signing off for a little while.......

::prays::

Pray for me God , for I hope this will turn out ok........and pray I keep my sanity.

well work hasn't called me back yet........im starting to get pissed...I coulda been working for the past 3 days...and making money......do I need to be looking for another job? I mean seriously its crazy, I took the drug test on monday, I shoulda been working by the latest on wednesday....ugh it sux.........

im having alot of trouble with kate, in concern with school and shit.....its crazy.....its so annoying all this shit........idk if i should call valencia or what and see what my tuition and class cost will really be minus the books, b/c Im paying for the books outta pocket......oi my vay.......THATS WHY I NEED TO BE WORKING.......

i was supposed to go to Tim's last night, but he got sick yesterday, and he didn't want me to get sick......I honestly wouldn't have cared...have some chicken soup? I didn't expect him to call me back.....b/c of him being sick, I was so falling asleep when he called....lol I was knocked out. o/w Ill see him on tuesday hopefully....

I need to start drawing, and painting again.....I have to make something for my uncle, and tim's mom.......but idk.....im not in a drawing mood.....I need to start doing it again seriously......

I have no money for my dad for father's day.........this is starting to suck ass........my mom says that we have to get him a fishing pole......but i honestly have no FRIGGIN MONEY WHATSOEVER......god help me......i hate this........

alot of thoughts have been going on in my head today........weird ass thoughts.......was it wrong for me to invite him over?......is it wrong that i want to see him? this is really bad, I need a life....lol. I'd call Nikole to come over to get my mind off of questions...but she's in Europe for the next 3 weeks. she comes back for a week, then leaves for the rest of the summer, thats great Nikole...leave me.......idk.....I'm scared...everything was going great, and that scares me....I'm waiting for something to happen...I'm waiting for tim to tell me that I have too much wrong with me, that I'm annoying, and that its over. I've even been thinking that maybe he thinks I might be using him? why? idk. idk. idk...my thoughts are so fucked up right now its crazy....I want to know whats going on in his head......what is he thinking? I'm scared to ask. idk......im so scared of him leaving me.....that sounds really pathetic i kno....i just.....idk....at the moment he makes me so happy, im scared something is going to come in with a wrecking ball, and knock that out of my life. ....im just being honest.....i don't want to lose him.....yet every time in my life that i am happy something happens....and i have a bad feeling......

well my parents went away for the weekend.......so of course i was gonna do something....unfortunately I had wanted to spend time with nikole today before she went to europe on Sunday, but she left late for it, and couldnt take me with her........so that sucked, i couldnt spend time with her. i had tim come over after work, so he came over after 10....we watched Finding Nemo, and then he left around 1:30........so yeah good times.....umm i talked to nikole on the phone after he left and now i think i might go to bed...idk, yes this is really a short entry.........ttyl...cuz it is 3 in the morning

Incubus- "I miss you"

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream

You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?

I see your picture
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know that I care
And I miss you

Supposed to go to Tim's today to go to the barbeque graduation thing. My little brother and sister aren't even sure that they are going to come anymore.....its like thanks guys. I already told him that Jordin was probably coming but that my sister was an ifffy, now they both don't know if they are going to or not....got more information out of Rachel about Mom and Dad and today. They do have stuff they need to do today that's why they can't go, but there is another reason. They say its way too early for parent's to meet each other and stuff....and that's kinda what I said....idk. I probably need to start to get ready...im just nervous again? worried, so many thoughts are going through my head right now...that make me want to halt everything and run away....its saying.."It's early you can get out now while its still early" idk things are scaring me? I'm just so lost and confused.....I don't know what to do....I really don't....I'm confused I guess idk..............i don't know

Jills sleeping over just like old times....lol. Kirk (her bf) is being an ass......men oi my vay....wait i shouldnt say that...b/c I will proably jinx shit....

So Tim had wanted my parents to meet his parents.....that scared me for some reason...like things were moving way too quickly....isn't the guy supposed to be thinking that way? idk....I talked to Nikole about it........she said that talking about marriage is a big step, but that parents meeting each other isnt that bad....idk.....im fine with it now....but my parents...like I said...are busy I guess? idk......so im just going ov..er there on Sunday with Rachel and Jordin....so that will be interesting...

yes short post i kno

Take chances , Make Mistakes, Get Messy Joyce.......Just don't lose the chance to wear our PIN ok? lol, and make sure Branden knows who to thank..........me! The student has now become the teacher................mwuah hah hah.............hee hee I'm so evil......not really.....

You Are an Intense Kisser When you kiss, it's deep and powerful You don't take kissing lightly Your kisses always have meaning And they always make your head spin "> What's Your Kissing Style? Take This Quiz :-) ;http://www.yournewromance.com...">Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

">

Help!!!! I have a question for the tblog population.....when dating, and you make out and everything.....how far is too far???? Where exactly are you supposed to draw the line???? No nikole, not the bet peramiters, but where do you draw the line? How far is too far?

Where are you supposed to stop? Besides the obvious

So I got pissed off, and said June 27th....What the hell do you think I would not see you off on June 3rd? What the hell makes you think I'm not seeing you your last day of school, and that I'm not giving you your yearbook pages...b/c I am. So this is not goodbye...this is just a leave of absence? I guess? That I hope doesnt kill me.....love you

Even though we are not supposed to be talking...I still felt that I needed to say something to you, that our conversation was not finished.....After our talk last night, I understand what you are saying. You said that you need to make new friends, or strengthen the already existing friendships, so that means, that us seniors, who you were close to, need to give you some time to do that. I understand.......but there are some kinks in your thought processes. What makes you think that you can not keep, or even strengthen the bonds with us....and strengthen the other ones? idk......why do I feel like you are trying to see if you can go to Atlanta???? trying to see how being without all of us what will happen? So that if you pull through it, then everything will I guess be all right?.......last night, and yesterday I was confused...frustrated, angry, and sad. I had been crying after school, b/c I'm trying to get a grip with everything. That's why I said what I said last night....b/c I was angry even with what you said, I said I understood, but I was angry and sad.